Very Personal

The Personal is the Political: Men too, holding up half the sky.

Sequence
a- I was abused 2, 3, or 4 years of age. In Palmerson North at 26 Rangiora Avenue I believe: everything just makes so much sense that way. A view of my life falls then exactly into place. A view that aligns the internal inner space with the external events and achievements, or lack thereof, of my life.  Now at last my life has a fullness of meaning to me. She was twice my height; four times my bodyweight, and probably did it to me either to school or playcentre/kindergarten; on coming home from there together with my sister. These were in Margaret Street. Her house was two streets away. She was abused by her dad from an early age so it was also not her fault; just that she had too much genital information for her age. My sister probably feels ‘guilty’ over this though it was in no way her fault,nor did she do anything and she can probably not at all remember it. This results in 'freezing' socially when before a member of thye female gender-that I am interested in- I cannot seem to help it- kind of like the 'runaway bride effect' for a man. Incredibly crippling to ones love life. ie almost impossible to have one. All my life I have been meeting exactly her type as if we were all evilly imprinted together on the same master sheet of biology. Nevertheless this is my story: she embraced her fate and today projects all the hatred she bears toward her father onto me as probably her first victim. She lived a life of genitally manipulating babies/boys/infants/children/young men/men by the hundreds. Once claiming she’d slept with every man in her ___________: I know of many first hand, some by reports of friends and by her own accounts and boastings. Several time with her slept in bed occupied by several other men as well in a totally uncomprehending state; it was a nightmare. This is to move ahead in knowledge of my story, for I was mostly blind to all this, maintaining a naïve hope she may make it all go away so great was the manipulative power she had over me. I saw what I saw, heard what I heard but still believed her lies and manipulations as if holding onto some daft innocence; when in fact I was deeply embroiled in it as her most intense victim. You see I pitied her and hoped my noble act could itself redeem her. Not knowing even the real name of my condition...
…cannot go on….

 b- Moved away to Hamilton when around three or 4 years of age.; brothers did well I did not. Confused relations with ‘girls’ no girlfriend whatever. c- Met female again at end of failure at Art School on Rail Ferry; she did the same thing; ______________________________ Snippets of info emerges that are put together into narrative of abuse. Nymphomania; sex mad, betrayal. Trust broken which Feminism disguises by its overlay of ideology making ‘boys abused by females unthinkable’. ie Against Our Will Susan Brownmiller. e- ________________________________ still struggling with believing that as ‘my story’  f- By 50 decided post-hoc evidence that this was so; taste then of first success in life and growing self esteem,this sense of worth, by having a story grows privately within me. Sustains me for ten years; relatively happy. g- Nevertheless, nagged myself into questioning my lack of public authority and personal empowerment. Begin to write; websites then plan books for retirement projects h- Go to University on discovering how far toward one degree I’d so casually come; graduate in 2009-10 i- Enroll at art school Massey University. Intense political Correctness there in Art Schools ‘Critical Theory’ class which all must take for 3-4 years; and its inculcation of Feminism in extreme version.
j- Toward the end of this after 3 years of it: for self preservation open a masculist website to counter further erosion of my dwindling esteem. Begin to feel that Feminism ‘masks and disguises’ even the thought of the possibility of men suffering abuse at the hands of any female. Unkissed for 28 years; still no ‘overnight’ girlfriend. Or, any kind of woman friends at all. Though feel considerably more respect coming my way on becoming masculist. Many more women acquaintances on the 'borders of my life' Begin to include this in my art; reveal this work to tutors and classmates. And the reasons for it. Feel stronger for it.  Come Out masculist; late 2013, just before Christmas k- Continue new work on masculist themes. Have to defend this to my female tutor who is also second in charge of Art School. She is strongly opposed normally but bends accommodatingly in my direction- as few male students at 2013-4 art school; My first time at Canterbury there were about equal numbers of young male to female students.-; male tutors ‘get it’ and are mildly supportive. There may be a fight on my hands for recognition of its likelihood or possibility. L- Now talking to wider circle of friends, co-artists, tutors, doctors, fellow survivors, counsellors, WINZ staff, Studylink people, media, politicians and websites. 40,000 page views since christmas 2013- Once hitting 12,000 page views 'unique per month until co0nversion to Wordpress-for Art School 'Portfolio ' purposes.- now back on Joomla and expect similar numbers again 'eventually' just Six months to date now. - four days on Joomla -- 40 or so per day/1,600 per month- so long way to go.

Reading books and watching videos on Male Related gender issues. Warren Farrel is on my reading list. As is Professor Christina Hof-Somers.
 Masculism back in2013 was just listing 358 or so on Google but by mid June or so had climbed to 5,000 plus (Currently today has hit 16,000 on Bing: 1-12-2015). [10 plus million on BING for feminist though.] Yet wordpress is 85.5 million on Bing. Shows relative importance; but feminist or any political word is strongly linked to funding and so on. Nevertheless 'masculist' is rising very fast.
The time for masculist politics is NOW!

 

3- Application to Study Link; WINZ etc for disability support based on above. Doctors input needed to obtain counselling.
There are few or no male subject/male friendly therapists where female perpetrators are concerned.
Psychology and Psychiatry appear outdated in this regard.

 

4- Joining Mens Group of abuse survivors. Mostly men-on-men though.
Have explored setting up my own therapy group based on my Encounter/ Reiki and Gender Studies experiences with Dr Heather Gailbraith of Massey, Dr Irene Pearson and Dr John Barton working out from a clinic run by Whanganui Hospital.

 

5- Addictions to compensate (drugs, tobacco, suicide attempts by men, gambling, hoarding [mine; books and non-fiction literature; serious topics only] sex addictions and so on)- to make one feel alive and worthwhile. Thus have worked with men over these issues as well as early, or youthful traumas and intense personal violations, as sexual molestation survivors.
It is more about the esteem of the male gender as a whole I would teach; our value as sacrificing for the greater good and our necessary function in the gene pool; Biology 101- the necessity of our productive economic function.

 

6- Six months without support; over 200 weeks student allowances limit: over 55 for other further assistence. How they treat men in a feminist-matriarchy;
Other support-________________________________________________________________ And Credit from ______________ explained.
Little income from Painting during study years; none.
Trademe= zero
Kindle sales; yet to happen.
3-4 books in production. 15 in all over three years. Still lively on this especially over editing
Found other Sites.

Translation websites.
Sites that turn epub into Google play apps.
About ten 'published'- but most in need of repair.
None are perfect.
That will come provisionally after proof & copy editing: around four passes in total

 

7- Case to Continue help: remains as Disability because of abuse.

 

8- Why? Government has Paid $29,000 so far toward this degree; $6,000 this year alone in fees. Yet there is a short six month funding ‘gap’ shortfall. This request is like ‘bridging finance’ but an allowance to support intelligent students last big effort to gain lifelong second degree. Thus a disability allowance provision is worthwhile. Also student has made his class work line up in its content with the story told here. In other words he is getting his life together in one place for the first time.
Have received perhaps $200,000 government assistance over lifetime: yet sent all information then current from these website speculations some years ago to every parliamentary member both sides of house, many newspapers and so on- believed helped hold the line on unfair gender outcomes for six weeks to six-month or so subsequently so saved country around 2 to twenty million dollars. Thus I feel redeemed from all payments and assistance received.
This current site reflects at far deeper levels than before; so have raised the question on possible returns of well over $70 trillion dollars over the next fifty years if we adopt a pro-natalist population economy outlook- as evinced by my six video series 'An open Letter to the New Zealand Prime Minister'
I hope that can nominally stand to my credit- as the value 'of having raised the question' to new levels of inquiry.

 

9- The life, and the story of that life is now ‘all-of-a-piece’ as an artist he has made it his arts message as woven into cultural symbols and ideology; it is now an official story, a private story and a cultural story; the public and the private life are one. The individual life and the artists life is now together. The websites and the artworks on Saatchiart.com show this. There is a connecting narrative consistent within its own understanding of things. The artist and the individual are now free. We ask you to help and assist this in every way possible.

10- Income potential in 2016 late: debt repayments until then.

 

 

 

 

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